guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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