Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
