I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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