thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
