CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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