Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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