he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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