Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
