i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
