White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
