I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
