the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
