Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
