genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
