Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
