Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
