I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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