I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
