me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
