the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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