i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
