its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
