No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
