Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
