My liver just broke up with me...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
