Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
