Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
