My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
