I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
