I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
