biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
don't judge my taste in strippers
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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