You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
