I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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