I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was CRYING into my vagina
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
