you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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