I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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