Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
