You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
