Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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