the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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