he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
