They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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