How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
