I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
