we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So. Much. Porn.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
