i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
