It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
