Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
