His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dignity is for republicans.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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