matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
