guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
