I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
