Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
