i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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