Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
