I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
