What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
