Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
