But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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