watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
