I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
