How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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