carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Small penises have feelings too.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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