we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
